Beginnings...

This Summer has been full of beginnings for me...

I started a new job and love it! Met great people. Had a rocky relationship. Traveled a few times, and more trips are to come!

One week from today, my family and I will be traveling to Florida for a much needed vacation! We are long overdue for a get-away.

Two months from today, I will start another semester of college. I'm determined to make it a great semester!

Three weeks ago today, Jesus took Tripp to heaven. Saddest day of my life, by far!
Tripp is my second cousin, son to my dear cousin Rachael and her husband Greg (Rach's blog: copponex.blogspot.com). Monday night I had a terrifying dream that really set a horrible tone to my Tuesday (yesterday) so I decided to write about it.

My death.
To write about my own death may sound morbid and suicidal. But I hope you see me as neither!

I dreamt of a night when I was going to go visit my cousin at his old house but got struck by lightning standing outside..

As I live amongst clutter and clothes in my room I think about how much baggage I would be leaving with my loved ones if I died today. Needless to say I'm throwing a lot of stuff away! Pretty symbolic to my life right now. Pitching all my baggage.

Not only am I throwing materialistic things away from my room, I must also distance some individuals in my life that hold my heart. Jesus already took one of them; Tripp. I loved him so much that I didn't focus enough on loving Christ the same! Or loving Tripp while allowing Christ to love me and pouring that Christ-love into Tripp. Basically, I feel horrible for that! :( But thankful that God allows me to see it now. Geographically, I have loved ones far away from me right now and I strongly believe God planned that accordingly! He's telling me something, and for once in a long time, I'm listening!


The dream woke me up at 6:14am and kept me from falling back asleep. So as I attempted to get through the morning, I began asking:
When will the pain cease?
When will the tears decrease?
And then I heard a song on the radio, Cry Out To Jesus by Third Day:
"To the one who lost someone they love
Long before it was their time"
So God was answering me with: "When you cry to Jesus!"

But alas, the day did not get much easier, for everything I did, saw, and heard reminded me of Tripp; I went to bite my nails (sorry daddy) and as I brought my hand up to my mouth, I caught a wiff of Tripp's smell! You know, the sweet infant smell that mothers love! Waking up before 6:30am. Having Scott (5 years-old) and Jack (2), (Scott's sons) (Scott is my sister's, Jeanette, boyfriend) and hearing those boys laugh loud and hard while playing downstairs and then later outside in the pool. It all brings forth thoughts of sweet baby Tripp!! But I know I must come to terms with the fact that everyday will be a struggle and it is only possible to get through when I Cry To Jesus! Every. Day.

So God, What more can we do but cry to You?!

:')